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March 24, 2019
I'm quite sure like lots of women I have a sometime love sometime drives me mad relationship with my mam and in turn I have the same relationship being a mum with my own kids.
Whatever happens in childbirth or childhood there is a phrase 'but i'll be worth it' like getting bitten, pooed on and puked on having had 2 hours sleep is some kind of hazing to a holy grail. No mother who had an easy time with their baby turned round and said I wish it had been harder! So why do we dismiss these trials as nothing big? Sleep deprivation is used as a torture method but when you become a mother we are suppose to handle it like it's normal.
Many of these people are also mothers so why not show a bit of solidarity instead of making us feel like we should be able to handle all these testing times. What about saying 'I know it's a complete nightmare isn't it you poor thing'. By dismissing it are we saying you should be able to cope with it making it harder for people to ask for help?
We are what I think is termed co-parenting and it was great to find out that my husband is a natural dad. He gets stuck in and does his share. Yet regardless of whose turn it is to do the housework if someone came to visit and the house is a mess no one thinks He hasn't cleaned up - they think she should have. Going away for the night a neighbour dropped Tom some dinner which was a lovely gesture. We just set the bar a lot lower for dads! Unlike dads we don't 'mind' our own kids and get kudos for it.
The experience of motherhood is unique for each woman. To be a mother you have to somehow stop being the person you used to be. You want so badly to have some time alone, or to have a “girls’ night out” but it's not so easy anymore. Some find it easy to adapt some find it hard. And if asked 'Is it worth it?' sometimes, when your having a bad day, be honest you'd answer no. Then the next morning those same chubby hands that hit his sister with a fire truck and smeared Bolognese sauce all over your kitchen wall is blowing you kisses from the window and your heart melts.
A friend said to me 'you can be blessed and still struggling' and that defiantly applies to motherhood. To be a mother is to get frustrated over small things, to scream too loud and say something in frustration and feel terrible about it later. To discover you actually can function on a few hours of sleep and having a three-minute shower while your kids stand in the bathroom with you is a luxury.
You have feelings you've never had before. Your daughter looks at you with your 'own look' that puts terror into anyone that gets it except your three year old daughter - she just does it back only cuter! You feel another mother’s pain on a different level since having kids, A mum with a very sick child, it’s unthinkable. You feel that mother’s sadness in your own body, cry for them, and carry it with you.
To be a mother you have to bring all of yourself and more yet leave a lot of yourself behind.
You want to make a big deal of how hard you're finding it so others know this is normal without people thinking that you can't cope or you're a bad mother.
You want to share how great your kids are or small achievements yet you don't want people to think you're bragging to trying to say 'I've got this'.
You have to do things physically fit top athletes probably couldn't do and then get up the next day and do it all again.
You want to give your kids wings to soar but try and keep them rooted at home. To help them fulfil their dreams while trying to hold on to your own.
In short you have to be a superhero and surely all superheroes deserve a day of celebration.
Mother's Day 31st March ! Look at our great Mother's Day gift selection for that something special.
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